Thursday, June 29, 2006
Big Break? Update!
UPDATE #2: With apologies to espn.com's Bill Simmons, for Round 2 I kept a running diary of the night's events. Here it is:
Round 2 - 6/26/06
7:00pm - We arrive at Duffy's Tavern, later than last week, so there's no tables available. I take that as a bad sign.
7:01 - We grab two seats at the bar. They have little flat-panel TV's which allow you to change the channel and watch what you want. I take this as a good sign.
7:06 - Monique discovers that her shirt is on inside-out. I take this as a bad sign.
7:12 - I have 4 baseball games and 2 World Cup soccer games to choose from on my little TV. I know this is a good sign.
7:13 - Italy and Australia are tied 0-0 in the 25th minute.
7:22 - In a moment ironic to no one attending this American Idol-wanna be program, a Taylor Hicks Ford commercial comes on the big screen.
7:24 - Getting hungry, we order some "sliders". They're White Castle-esque burgers but in size only. The meat is much more real, and they look less greasy. They're on special for $.50! We order six.
7:34 - Other contestants are milling around. One in particular walks by in 2 layers of tank-tops and a banana clip in her hair. I check my watch to see if A) it's a Swatch Watch, and B) if it's 1982.
7:41 - The music they're playing in the bar prior to the competition starting is apparently "Jock Jamz 4". I don't get it.
7:44 - They announce it's 1 minute til start! Where's my food? Twenty minutes for some mini-burgers? Really?
7:45 - We're under way. Not before the playing of a recorded Michael Buffer, who is imploring us to prepare for an apparent rumble. It's a singing competition, not Ultimate Fighting. I have to wonder if this is this really rumble-worthy. At least tonight, unlike last week, the host is going to introduce the judges. Oh, nevermind. It's a guy from some local band, and 2 others whom I can't understand due to mumbling into microphones. It was better when they went unannounced.
Singer #1 - I swear to God she is introduced as "RahRah".
Singer #2 - Some chick who sings (poorly) "I Touch Myself" by the Divinyls. I think this is a sad attempt to woo the judges, since the rules clearly state "no flashing". This is, in her mind, the next best thing.
Singer #3 - sings some song I've never heard of. It sounds like Fiona Apple, only more boring.
Singer #4 - not memorable. that's not a good thing.
Singer #5 - Sarah? I can't understand, so I'm not sure. She sings "You're No Good". Sarah, you're right.
Singer #6 - sings "Over The Rainbow". Now, doesn't she know that since this is clearly an American Idol ripoff show, everyone here has seen American Idol? Does she think she's going to do this better than McPhee did? She's not even close. Stupid choice.
Singers #7, 8, 9 - eh, not bad. Some decent ones, actually. We get our second Alicia Keyes song in just 9 attempts, that's got to be some sort of record.
Singer #10 - My "favorite". The pretentious girl from last week who sang her original song is back! Tonight this idiot is singing a song in Spanish. I can't make this up. Way to let the judges really get to know you. She's not Hispanic, trust me. I say it's in Spanish, because the few words that are in this song are in Spanish. Mostly it's a bunch of "la la la". What?
Singer #11 - A bizarre, jazzy version of "Play Misty For Me". Really? This is so strange, and ALL over the place melodically. What a strange choice.
At this point, the judges and host have to ask the bar to respect the singers and keep the talking down. It's unreal. Everyone attending is somehow connected to this singing competition, but everyone is so chatty. Rude and annoying.
Singers #12 and #13 - blah blah blah.
Singer #14 is Mo! - She sings "When I Fall In Love". It sounds great. To be honest, I think she sounds better than she did last week, but of course I'm biased.
Singer #15 - I think named Kelly. Starts off great, sounds terrific, gets too comfortable and impressed with herself, starts to "show off" at the end, oversings it, ouch this sounds horrible. Wow, it's less than 3 minutes she goes from "shoo in to the next round" to "home".
8:15 - The first break. I gotta take a leak. I walk in right behind another guy, and this dude breaks one of the cardinal rules of the men's room. There are 3 urinals in there, and they're all open for business. Well this idiot walks right up to the middle one, leaving me no choice but to use one right next to him. If there's an option, you MUST leave a free space in between. Come on, man!
8:25 - We're back. The host thanks his sound guys for, and this is a direct quote, "making the singers sound fantasmo!" Yes, he said "fantasmo". Really. I'm unfortunately too far away to throw something at him.
Singer #16 - Some guy sings a bizarre slow and low arrangement of "Walking In Memphis". The most bizarre part? He spends an inordinate amount of time before the song starts getting the microphone into the holder on the stand. The host has to help. It's borderline uncomfortable watching him struggle with such a simple task that he's turning into his own personal Rubik's Cube. OK, he finally gets it set so that....wait for it....2.5 seconds into the song he can do a dramatic pull of the mic off the stand! Are you kidding me? I struggle to stilfe an audible laugh.
Singers #17-#23 - not bad, nothing too ridiculous.
Italy and Australia still tied 0-0 in 42nd min of 2nd half. Good game going on.
Singer #24 - I don't get this guy. Are you street? Are you diva? It's sort of a "gay thug-life" thing going on. I'm confused.
Singer #25 - Megan steps up to the mic, saying with attitude that she's "gonna rock". Alright! She launches into some Black Crowes, and rocks! If by "rocks" you mean "sings quietly and not to the tune of the original", that is.
Italy has a bicycle attempt on goal in the 44th minute! Just misses! Holy crap, so close.
Singers #26-27 - nothing much going on here.
Singer #28 - dude, you're gonna sing a U2 song? Bye.
I now get to do the stare down after throwing some "shut it" comments to some annoying bitch 3 seats down from me at the bar who keeps yelling to her friends, so she can be heard over the singing. Monique has to keep me in line, but I'm getting good laughs from the people around me, so it's all good.
Singer #29 - chick sings the Theme from The Jeffersons. While holding a beer. If Mo doesn't win this thing, I want her to. I need to set her up with a single friend of mine so I can hang out with her. OK, this is getting uncomforatble.
Singer #30 - guy is very good.
Time for another break, and we take off. I just can't take 20 more of these. It's too hard to tell how Mo is going to fare. There is a lot of crap on stage tonight, but also quite a few good singers. Plus, by leaving when we did, I missed the controversial end to the Italy-Australia game. Dammit!
And apparently the bad signs outweighed the good signs from earlier in the night. Monique got "The Email". Sorry, but you're not moving on. Thanks for playing.
So, no Big Break for Mo. No flat-panel TV and elimination of credit card debt for me. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted, right?