Evergreen trees stand proud and tall, a babbling brook runs near your door where you could at any point step outside for a picnic on a checkered blanket. The fishing is a' plenty, especially near the waterin' hole, as is the moose and bear hunting. In fact, the moose are not only abundant, but taller than three men standing on each others' shoulder. You can take a trip in a canoe or just sit back in your rowboat, while the smell of fresh pine fills your nostrils as you look on to the beauty of natures wonders.
Sound like a wonderful camping vacation in the woods? Oh no, this was our hotel, The Stoney Creek Inn in Moline, Illinois. http://www.stoneycreekinn.com/
We had shows again this weekend in the Quad Cities. The hotel we regularly stay in was booked, so we had to stay somewhere different. To be honest, it was actually a really nice hotel, great amenities, wonderful service etc. However, it was also awesomely tacky.
The babbling brooke I spoke of was actually the pattern of the carpet running down the hall way. It had stones on one side and a checkered blanket pattern down the other. There were literally giant stuffed moose and bears in the hall and main foyer area. Throughout the hotel were signs for "the waterin' hole," "no hunting" etc. Of course these were in "log" font. That's not a default font in Microsoft. You have to go out and get that special!
The room was even better. All of the furniture, the desk, the chair, the rack for towels in the bathroom were "wooden." Maybe they were real at one point, but now they were covered with some sort of shellac. Above our bed were two pictures, one with rows of canoes and in the log font it said, 'Canoes,' the other was of rowboats and in case we didn't have it figured out, it said, 'Rowboats.' The bedspread was even more nauseating. It had the look of a quilt with out being a quilt, but in each square there was something different, a moose, a guy fishing, a bison or tree, etc. The lamps next to the bed looked like regular lamps until you got to the base. Then they were log cabins. Even the soap was themed. You'd wash your hands or put on lotion and smell like pinesol. We were cracking up.
This was about as close to camping as you'll see from the Madrittmasters.